No, no, no, no, no. I am not on the search for wedding dresses (keep your shirt on, Dad). But, I am participating in my 15th or maybe 16th wedding later this year. I say “maybe” because I stopped counting around 8. And, you know, the number of weddings you participate in is kinda like your “number” – number. You sort of stop counting at some point. Is that just me? Don’t read into that last thing I said. I am eligible to wear white on my wedding day (keep your shirt on, Dad). I am also attending three other weddings this year.
So what I am getting at in a super round about way and with way too much sharing is that I am a wedding pro!
And, what I am saying without really saying is that I have left a trail of broke boyfriends in my wedding attending/attendant wake. Thanks guys, it was fun and you saved me from that weird “single ladies/single dudes” table at the reception. And, also from the bouquet throwing, generally embarrassing, cat fight for a bunch of dying flowers. Lordy, lordy, lordy.
I smell a reality show here. And, yes – you can make the joke about the Katherine Heigl character in 27 dresses…Blah blah blah. Insert polite laughter, a nod and a wink and an “I have never heard that one before” through wide smile.
I will have you know that unlike Izzy, my dresses don’t hang in a closet/shrine-to-sad-singlehood. In fact, I am not totally sure where all of the dresses are and my closet only looks like a shrine to the 70s. Minus the usual shrine candles and incense because everything is some kind of poly blend – which is of course highly flammable.
And, I really haven’t heard that joke before. Really! Wink, wink.
I have not wasted my time as a bridesmaid, or as a wedding script reader, or as wedding guest or as a house-partier. In fact, I have learned major life lessons. Like, crowd control (hello, 700 person wedding) and have recognized very interesting sociological and psychological behaviors that only present themselves at weddings.
Additionally, I know exactly the type of person that will let me cut in line for cake. I totally know how to tell which bartender/waiter won’t water down my whiskey. I know all the appropriate times to cry and when and how to keep my mouth zipped in the bride’s room before the ceremony (can I get a hells yeah, ladies?). So, obviously it hasn’t all been about collecting light pink nail-polishes, fake eyelashes and gold toned strappy sandals. Even I am not THAT cynical. I have generally enjoyed traveling and eating and drinking well, and staying in cool hotels in cool cities. And, just celebrating these exciting, monumental events with dear friends. You know the whole deal. It is an honor to be a part.
My friends have great taste and have all looked absolutely amazing on their wedding day. Most of my lovely brides have worn something white-ish and traditional. <Glowy Angel’s Halo – Cream” and “Heavens Light – Blue White”> It is interesting to me that only a couple have worn something contemporary or designed their own. And, most have stuck to the typical wedding dress designers. I have always wondered why only a couple went couture? And no one went colored? Tradition/schmadition, I say!
This Elie Saab lime green frayed silk lace and gold sequined gown makes me tear up. SEQUINS! Bright, shiny, gold.
Gold lurex and platinum sequined Marc Jacobs? SERIOUSLY! Platinum sequins at the bottom, like you have just barely been dipped in glitter. Expensive glitter – but what the hell. You only get married…er, wear a wedding dress once.
And, I get it. The white thing. So, for all you virgins (right..) on your wedding day, I thought these were really beautiful.
Right, right. The last one is actually “blush” – but whatevs. Pink is virgin-y enough, I think. In fact, perhaps it is more virgin-y that white in a way?
I can’t stop saying virgin.
Anyway, my deep thoughts on wedding dresses…
Oh, and all you ladies wearing white? Your secret is safe with me. Really.
XOXO – Secret Recess